John Kerry 2004 Headquarters

PLEASE SELECT QUALITY SETTING. THOSE WITH SLOW INTERNET CONNECTIONS ARE RECOMMENDED TO DOWNLOAD .exe VERSION AT www.gdevlin77.tk NOTE :The following events depicted in this game are based in true events that happened on the eve of the election. The names have been changed to protect the idendities of those harmed It is one week from the 2004 presidential elections... WITH CHRIS DONAHUE CHRIS DONAHUE : Hmm? CHRIS DONAHUE : What do you mean you're filming? CHRIS DONAHUE : You said that.... CHRIS DONAHUE : GAAAH! CHRIS DONAHUE : Hello, and welcome to a new edition of Channel 4 news. I'm your host, Chris Donahue! CHRIS DONAHUE : First in the news today, a small teenager under the name of Jake is being persued by the police for the murder of several officials CHRIS DONAHUE : If you have ANY information on this felon, contact the police immediatly CHRIS DONAHUE : Now to the last developments of the 2004 election! CHRIS DONAHUE : Let's first take a look at the current poll results... CHRIS DONAHUE : Here in Mantyca County, Virginia, Bush has a strong lead over Kerry! CHRIS DONAHUE : One could wonder what the democrats are doing now! YOU : *sigh* This is no use... KEVIN : But we still have a chance! YOU : Oh really? What is that? KEVIN : We'll make an ad! YOU : Er... how original... KEVIN : Well you see, this one will show pictures of people holding John Kerry signs! KEVIN : After seeing how many people support John Kerry, people will HAVE to vote for him. YOU : We're being desperate here KEVIN : Never mind that! I'll get you a camera and a sign. Then go into town and try to get AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE to hold this sign KEVIN : Now go go go! STRANGER : Aha! STRANGER : Aha! YOU : Who are you? STRANGER : I am Vincent! VINCENT : I have heard all of your plan! VINCENT : And I will make sure you do not succeed! VINCENT : I will stop you and George W. Bush shall prevail! VINCENT : We shall meet again! YOU : I better get off to finding some supporters... ENTER JOHN KERRY HQ It's where the magic happens! ENTER DVS FARMACY All your farming needs ENTER FANCY HOTEL Probably lots of snobby rich people ENTER STEVE'S BAR Who's Steve? ENTER GAME PARLOR Dance Dance Revolution anybody? ENTER DARK ALLEY Spooky ENTER PUBLIC LIBRARY Lots and lots of books ENTER SUNSHINE STUDIOS They make movies there ENTER BIG BUX CASINO Gambling is unhealthy ya know TALK TO DVS EMPLOYEE Lifeless jerk RUMMAGE TRASH CAN Smelly TALK TO HOBO BILL Hobos are cool TALK TO PIERRE Snobby rich french guy TALK TO STRANGER Complete stranger TALK TO EMPLOYEE He looks bored PLAY SOME SLOTS Hell yeah! TALK TO GAMBLER Bad idea TALK TO JEFF He looks depressed TALK TO DEALER He looks cool TALK TO MEXICAN DAMN MEXICANS!! PICK UP PAPER Interesting PICK UP SCISSORS I hope they arn't too sharp TALK TO CRACKHEAD Crazy, crazy man LOOK AT NEWSPAPER It's todays newspaper It's a 6 month old newspaper TALK TO DEAN SUPPORTER Traitor TALK TO GAMER Do I know this guy? No. TALK TO GABE What a loser TALK TO MADELINE MORLAINE She's hot TALK TO PRODUCERS Rich people TALK TO BARTENDER Nice guy TALK TO LIBRARIAN Quiet. Too quiet... LOOK AT POSTER Interesting TALK TO OBESE GUY Wow. He's fat TALK TO HAMSTER PICOW *sigh* TALK TO GUARD Boring job TALK TO HOOKER Huhuhuh TALK TO STRANGER It's where the magic happens! TALK TO STRANGER It's where the magic happens! TALK TO STRANGER It's where the magic happens! TALK TO STRANGER It's where the magic happens! TALK TO STRANGER It's where the magic happens! TALK TO STRANGER It's where the magic happens! TALK TO STRANGER It's where the magic happens! TALK TO STRANGER It's where the magic happens! TALK TO STRANGER It's where the magic happens! TALK TO STRANGER It's where the magic happens! TALK TO STRANGER It's where the magic happens! TALK TO STRANGER It's where the magic happens! STATUS STATUS STATUS LOAD/SAVE LOAD/SAVE LOAD/SAVE INVENTORY INVENTORY INVENTORY 10000 0 MONEY : PHOTOS : CURRENT OBJECTIVE: THIS FEATURE IS NOT YET INSTALLED!!! If this is your first visit, click the COUNTINUE button to see the tutorial. If not, press SKIP to play the game! SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP COUNTINUE COUNTINUE COUNTINUE COUNTINUE This is who you play as NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT Press the UP, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT arrow keys to move him around town This is the sub screen It contains 4 things : First, the Inventory All objects you pick up can be found here To get to the inventory screen, click here. To use an object in your inventory on another, click and drag the object To examine objects, drag them on the player Next is the STATUS screen Click the button to view it Here you can view how much cash, photos you have, and the current objective Next is the SAVE/LOAD screen You can open it by clicking the button shown Mantyca County isnt a short game, so you can save whenever you want The only catch is that you must restart at the John Kerry HQ every time you load Last is the Possible Action sub-screen While playing the game, when you're next to an interactable object... The possible interaction will be displayed in that sub-screen To execute the action, press the SPACE BAR For example, lets say you are in front of a building' s entrance... The words ENTER BUILDING will appear here Press SPACE BAR to enter the building. Finally, one last thing : to exit buildings, press SHIFT and VOILA! Thats it. To redo the tutorial, press REDO. REDO REDO REDO REDO YOU : It's a cheap camera. And mean REALLY cheap YOU : It reads : John Kerry for president YOU : A nuke-me Elmo. Could the guy who made this game be any more unoriginal? YOU : Moldy cheese with growing civilizations on it YOU : It's a copy of the "Detention" video game YOU : It's a spanish phrasebook. It- Hey! A page is missing from it! YOU : It's the 77th page to a spanish phrasebook YOU : These dice always roll 7 and 2. YOU : Scissors. Very small scissors. YOU : Some prickly weeds YOU : It's today's newspaper. It reads : "Stalin rises from dead" YOU : It's a 6 month year old newspaper. It reads "Howard Dean withdraws from race". A Jaime Buitrago Film Starring a badly drawn Character called James YOU : Er.... Kevin? KEVIN : Yeah, what? What am I supposed to do again? What am I supposed to do again? What am I supposed to do again? What am I supposed to do again? This idea sucks! This idea sucks! This idea sucks! This idea sucks! OK, see ya! OK, see ya! OK, see ya! OK, see ya! YOU : What am I supposed to do again? KEVIN : Take at least 5 pictures of 5 different people holding a Kerry for President sign. KEVIN : Get a Harvard Law Diploma to counter Vincent's lawsuit! YOU : Oh yeah, now I remember. YOU : This idea sucks! KEVIN : The guy who made this game isnt much of a scenarist. YOU : He should have gotten one. YOU : OK, see ya! JOHN! YOU : Excuse me EMPLOYEE : What?! Nice Shirt Nice Shirt Nice Shirt Nice Shirt How's business? How's business? How's business? How's business? This is a robbery! This is a robbery! This is a robbery! This is a robbery! What's the meaning of life? What's the meaning of life? What's the meaning of life? What's the meaning of life? I'm selling these fine leather jackets I'm selling these fine leather jackets I'm selling these fine leather jackets I'm selling these fine leather jackets You wanna support John Kerry? You wanna support John Kerry? You wanna support John Kerry? You wanna support John Kerry? Nice hair Nice hair Nice hair Nice hair Nice talking with you Nice talking with you Nice talking with you Nice talking with you YOU : Nice shirt. EMPLOYEE : I could be alot better if the animator put some effort into this game.... YOU : How's business? EMPLOYEE : It sucks. As usual. YOU : Why don't you actually sell stuff that are worth buying? EMPLOYEE : Hmmm. There' s an idea.... YOU : This is a robbery! Gimme your cash! EMPLOYEE : You know, it's OK to be stupid sometimes but you have abused that privelage. YOU : You're kidding, right? Right!? RIGHT!!!! YOU : What's the meaning of life? EMPLOYEE : To eat chips and drink beer while watching the Super Bowl. YOU : Oh. Alright. YOU : Wanna support John Kerry? EMPLOYEE : Ummm... EMPLOYEE : ... EMPLOYEE : Sorry, my religion forbids it. YOU : Ohh. Thats too bad YOU : I'm selling these fine lether jackets... EMPLOYEE : You should stop stealing lines from Lucasarts adventure games. YOU : NEVER!!!!! YOU : Nice talking to you. EMPLOYEE : Thank you and have nice day! YOU : Nice hair EMPLOYEE : Shutup YOU : Errrr.... PIERRE : Yehs? I have such a terrible french accent! I have such a terrible french accent! I have such a terrible french accent! I have such a terrible french accent! I would like the key to my room please I would like the key to my room please I would like the key to my room please I would like the key to my oom please Say something in French Say something in French Say something in French Say something in French When does your shift end? When does your shift end? When does your shift end? When does your shift end? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Good Bye Good Bye Good Bye Good Bye YOU : You have such a terrible accent! PIERRE : Itz a stehriotypeh. Gete uzed to eet. YOU : I would like the key to my room please. PIERRE : Nyce trieh. YOU : Say something in French Merde, que ce jeux video est nul. Je vais tuer celui qui l'a fait un jour..... YOU : Come again? YOU : Now I KNOW what you are thinking: you wanna support John Kerry! PIERRE : Actchuallie Iye was finkingeh aboot howe stoopide yoo arre. YOU : Damn. YOU : When does your shift end? PIERRE : Untile morrneenge. PIERRE : Itz reely anoyinghe. fromage YOU : I gave you one piece already. That's enough. YOU : Good bye. ciao PIERRE : That'z italianne. YOU : MMmmmm. I have such a good looking peice of cheese PIERRE : Iz that what I think it ize?! fromage YOU : Hmm. Why yes I beleive it is. PIERRE : Pleez! Iye'll doo anifinge fore zat! YOU : Will you hold this sign while I take a picture of you? PIERRE : Yez! Yez! Anithing! YOU : Alrighty. Hold this sign... PIERRE : Oki. Nowe leet mi eet miye fromage PIERRE : Suche a delice! PIERRE : Excuizite! PIERRE : Ecsellehnte PIERRE : Hirr. Yoo cahn have watz lefte ove zie fromage YOU : Er.... Thanks? YOU : I already have a picture of him YOU : Hey, you! JEFF : Can't you see I'm not in a great mood?! Nice talking to you Nice talking to you Nice talking to you Nice talking to you Why are you so pissed? Why are you so pissed? Why are you so pissed? Why are you so pissed? You wanna support John Kerry? You wanna support John Kerry? You wanna support John Kerry? You wanna support John Kerry? YOU : Why are you so pissed? JEFF : I got fired by my boss. YOU : What was your job? JEFF : I was an employee at the Casino. JEFF : Some guy called Leroy stole it from me! JEFF : I was fired because I was black, I tell ya! JEFF : And also because I broke the 5,000 dollar security system by dropping Dr.Pepper on it. YOU : You're black, and most black people support the democrats. YOU : So you must be supporting John Kerry, right? JEFF : I don't vote. I don't care about politics. YOU : Well can you do me a favor by holding this sign while.... JEFF : I'm not going to do anything until I get my job at the local casino back! YOU : Nice talking to you. YOU : And get some Zoloft. It really helps. JEFF : Go to hell YOU : Well actually I heard there is a job open at the Casino... JEFF : Really? Hey, I better run then! YOU : Hey wait! Can you hold this sign for 2 seconds? JEFF : OK JEFF : See ya! YOU : Bartender? BARTENDER : Yes sir? I would like a Whisky on the Rocks I would like a Whisky on the Rocks I would like a Whisky on the Rocks I would like a Whisky on the Rocks Are you Steve? Are you Steve? Are you Steve? Are you Steve? Sorry, but I have to go Sorry, but I have to go Sorry, but I have to go Sorry, but I have to go YOU : I would like a Whisky on the Rocks BARTENDER : ID please YOU : Er... Hehe, funny story... Hehe, funny story... Hehe, funny story... Hehe, funny story... Of course I do! Of course I do! Of course I do! Of course I do! I don't have my ID I don't have my ID I don't have my ID I don't have my ID YOU : Hehe, funny story... YOU : You see, first my car broke down, and I was stranded on the road for weeks! YOU : Living off squrills and lama beans... YOU : But then this guy drove by me, and said that he'd help me if I gave him my ID. BARTENDER : Nice try YOU : I got it right... YOU : OH MY GOD!!! I've been robbed! BARTENDER : Suuuure you were YOU : I don't have my ID BARTENDER : You are a really honest person, but no ID, no drink. Sorry. YOU : Are you Steve? BARTENDER : No, I'm Bruce BARTENDER : Steve died 2 years ago. YOU : How did he die? BARTENDER : Some guy who tried to commit suicide jumped off a building, only to land on Steve. BARTENDER : The guy who landed on Steve survived though. He's a priest now I think YOU : Fun way to die YOU : Sorry, but I have to go BARTENDER : You're always welcome at Steve's! Come back anytime. YOU : Hey, you! GAMER : Make it quick, I'm on level 251,290 What are you playing? What are you playing? What are you playing? What are you playing? ? w o n y b e s u o h r u o y t a e b u o y t ' n d l u o h S ? w o n y b e s u o h r u o y t a e b u o y t ' n d l u o h S ? w o n y b e s u o h r u o y t a e b u o y t ' n d l u o h S ? w o n y b e s u o h r u o y t a e b u o y t ' n d l u o h S Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? I'm leaving I'm leaving I'm leaving I'm leaving YOU : What are you playing? GAMER : Some boring game where you have to kill dutch terrorists GAMER : It's really pathetic. I can't beleive somebody actually made this game! YOU : Hmm. I have a feeling I know that game... YOU : Shouldn't you be at your house by now? YOU : It's awfully late for a child like you. GAMER : My parents are at a party. They arn't coming back until 2:00 AM YOU : Yep folks, todays youth is doomed YOU : Hey kid, you wanna support John Kerry? GAMER : Nope. YOU : Come on! Do me a favors to those I respect. GAMER : Beat this game to get me to do this favor for you. Fine! And I'll set a new High Score! Fine! And I'll set a new High Score! Fine! And I'll set a new High Score! Fine! And I'll set a new High Score! Er.... I'm epileptic Er.... I'm epileptic Er.... I'm epileptic Er.... I'm epileptic YOU : Fine! And I'll set a new high score! GAMER : You're on! Look, tonight is a special concert devoted to our great vice principal. But the pianist who was supposed to play is sick! You gotta fill him in! It's that or you'll be staying in detention for a looong time! NOTES LEFT : YOU LOST. SERIOUSLY, GO BACK TO PLAYING SOME NURSERY RYMES GOOD JOB! NOW YOU CAN COUNTINUE LIVING YOUR MISERABLE LIFE GAMER : Hey! How did you?! YOU : Now hold this sign while I take a picture of you. YOU : Thanks! GAMER : Hahaha! Better luck next time! YOU : I'm leaving GAMER : Finally! YOU : Er... I'm epileptic GAMER : Too bad for you YOU : I already have a picture of him YOU : Hey, I'm in need of some shit DEALER : What do you want? How would you like to support John Kerry? How would you like to support John Kerry? How would you like to support John Kerry? How would you like to support John Kerry? What do you have? What do you have? What do you have? What do you have? See ya! See ya! See ya! See ya! YOU : What do you have? DEALER : I have a great selection of items today! DEALER : Today the following items are in stock : DEALER : A brand new copy of the Detention handheld video game for only 2 bucks DEALER : Some special dice that always make you lose at only 2 dollars. YOU : Pretty useless. DEALER : And, at a bargain price of only 1 dollar each, a limited edition "Nuke me Elmo"! YOU : I dunno, how about some actual drugs? DEALER : Sorry, but we've expanded. We're not small time anymore. DEALER : We now have 77 locations in over 15 states! DEALER : So, what do you say? How about the handheld game? How about the handheld game? How about the handheld game? How about the handheld game? Those useless dice Those useless dice Those useless dice Those useless dice How about that Nuke-Me Elmo How about that Nuke-Me Elmo How about that Nuke-Me Elmo How about that Nuke-Me Elmo I'm not interested I'm not interested I'm not interested I'm not interested YOU : I don't have enough cash for that! YOU : How about that handheld game? DEALER : Alright. Here you go! YOU : Those useless dice. I feel like wasting my cash... DEALER : Here you go. I was wondering when I could rid of these things... YOU : How about that Nuke Me Elmo? DEALER : Here you go. YOU : I'm going to follow the dealers suggestions and not ask him. YOU : I'm not interested. YOU : I already have that YOU : See ya! YOU : Excuse me... LIBRARIAN : Yes? I would like to borrow a book. I would like to borrow a book. I would like to borrow a book. I would like to borrow a book. What are you reading? What are you reading? What are you reading? What are you reading? This is a pretty empty library! This is a pretty empty library! This is a pretty empty library! This is a pretty empty library! Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Sorry, but I have to go see my dentist Sorry, but I have to go see my dentist Sorry, but I have to go see my dentist Sorry, but I have to go see my dentist YOU : This is a pretty empty library LIBRARIAN : Well, the school board didnt want to have any biblical references in our books. LIBRARIAN : But all the books in this library has some kind of reference to God LIBRARIAN : Except a Spanish prasebook... LIBRARIAN : And the Bible YOU : Talk about irony YOU : What are you reading? LIBRARIAN : "How to Write your Own Dummies Book for Dummies" YOU : Wanna support John Kerry? LIBRARIAN : No YOU : But I thought that all you teachers and librarians were liberal! LIBRARIAN : But you must have forgotten you're in Virginia YOU : Oh yeah, that too YOU : Sorry, but I have to go see my dentist LIBRARIAN : Alrighty YOU : I would like to borrow a book LIBRARIAN : Well you're only choices are the Bible or the Spanish phrase book. LIBRARIAN : And the Bible isnt available now. LIBRARIAN : So take the Spanish Phrase book or leave it I'll take it I'll take it I'll take it I'll take it I don't want it I don't want it I don't want it I don't want it YOU : I'll take it LIBRARIAN : Here you go YOU : I don't want it YOU : I already borrowed one book YOU : Hey! You're Madeline Morlaine! MADELINE : Look kid, I'm a really busy person. I don't have time for autographs I loved all your movies I loved all your movies I loved all your movies I loved all your movies Smoking is bad for you, ya know! Smoking is bad for you, ya know! Smoking is bad for you, ya know! Smoking is bad for you, ya know! What film are you shooting now? What film are you shooting now? What film are you shooting now? What film are you shooting now? Why arn't you filming? Why arn't you filming? Why arn't you filming? Why arn't you filming? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Nice meeting you Nice meeting you Nice meeting you Nice meeting you YOU : I loved all your movies YOU : When I left the theater after seeing "Time Out", I thought INSTANT CLASSIC MADELINE : Thanks. MADELINE : But you're seriously starting to bug me kid YOU : Smoking is bad for you, ya know! YOU : You only live once, and you should live that one life right. MADELINE : What if I were to say I was a buddist? YOU : Then I'd say smoke all you want MADELINE : Too bad I'm not buddist YOU : What film are you shooting now? MADELINE : A thriller/drama about life and its consequenses and about one man's quest for the holy grail YOU : Let me guess : the murderer is really Mel Brook's pet Iguana, Robyn. MADELINE : I knew the ending was way too predictable YOU : Why arn't you filming? MADELINE : Well I don't wanna do this scene, but the producers think differently YOU : Why won't you do the scene? YOU : You disagree with the director? YOU : You broke a nail? YOU : A sex scene you don't wanna do? MADELINE : Worse than that! I have to remember my lines! YOU : Oh YOU : Wanna support John Kerry? MADELINE : Sorry, but I'd lose alot of fans if I expressed my political views YOU : Awwww YOU : Nice talking to you MADELINE : Now get me some coffee PRODUCER : And then he says "You fight like a cow" PRODUCER : And then the condor says : "Howdy howdy howdy!" PRODUCER : And then the knife came down, missing him by inches, and he took off PRODUCER : And then one bird said to Billy Pilgrim, "Poo-tee-weet?" PRODUCER : And then he had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother. PRODUCER : And then Carlson says : "Now what the hellya suppose is eatin' them two guys?" PRODUCER : And then the old man was dreaming about the lions PRODUCER : And then she says "Well, that was a floozy!" PRODUCER : And then the next day the girl from Ipanema dies of cancer PRODUCER : And then Manuel says : "You don't have any skin on it either" PRODUCER AND DIRECTOR : (laugh) HA DIRECTOR : I didn't get it PRODUCER : Yeah, what do you want kid? What are you filming? What are you filming? What are you filming? What are you filming? Whats going to be your next project? Whats going to be your next project? Whats going to be your next project? Whats going to be your next project? Who are you guys? Who are you guys? Who are you guys? Who are you guys? Can I be an extra? Can I be an extra? Can I be an extra? Can I be an extra? Can you make a movie about me? Can you make a movie about me? Can you make a movie about me? Can you make a movie about me? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? I have to go I have to go I have to go I have to go YOU : Who are you guys? PRODUCER : I'm Mr. Bruckheimer, and this is my associate, Mr. Speilberg YOU : Jerry Bruckheimer and Steven Speilberg?! PRODUCER : No, Steven Bruckheimer and Jerry Speilberg YOU : Damn YOU : What are you filming? PRODUCER : It's this movie called Fog on the Alma Bridge DIRECTOR : The script is pure genius. And plus it's starring Madeline Morlaine! PRODUCER : This is the last scene we have to shoot... PRODUCER : But Madeline is refusing to act! And she won't tell us why! DIRECTOR : And if Madeline persists, we may have to get somebody to double her! YOU : Bummer YOU : Whats going to be your next project? PRODUCER : I'm gonna produce this film about a two legged dog's life DIRECTOR : And I already started a movie with no plot at all, just special effects YOU : Knowing how stupid the american public is, I'm sure they'll be big hits YOU : Can I be an extra? PRODUCER : Sorry kid, but when somebody is needed, WE call YOU, not vice versa YOU : How about you make a movie about my campain efforts in Mantyca County? PRODUCER : A video game is as far as the franchise will go, kiddo YOU : Wanna support John Kerry? PRODUCER : Sorry kid, but my schedule is booked until February 23, 2068 DIRECTOR : Me too YOU : I have to go now PRODUCER : OK. See you kid. YOU : Hello there EMPLOYEE : What do you want? Gimme some zitti Gimme some zitti Gimme some zitti Gimme some zitti Where is everybody? Where is everybody? Where is everybody? Where is everybody? So, how often do you cheat? So, how often do you cheat? So, how often do you cheat? So, how often do you cheat? I tell you, the whole place is rigged! I tell you, the whole place is rigged! I tell you, the whole place is rigged! I tell you, the whole place is rigged! Who's that guy over there? Who's that guy over there? Who's that guy over there? Who's that guy over there? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Nice talking to you Nice talking to you Nice talking to you Nice talking to you YOU : Gimme some zitti EMPLOYEE : We serve pasta in the lounge, NOT not in the game room YOU : Stupid! I'm talking about chips! EMPLOYEE : Sorry, we don't serve patatoe chips here YOU : Gaaaah! This is useless. YOU : Where is everybody? EMPLOYEE : Well everybody knows that rednecks and old people are the only ones who go to casinos, right? EMPLOYEE : Well all the rednecks are at a Pro-Bush rally tonight EMPLOYEE : And all the old people are in Florida! YOU : Damn you Florida and your low property taxes! YOU : So..... How often do you cheat? EMPLOYEE : Me? Cheat? EMPLOYEE : I've never cheated in my life! EMPLOYEE : Nope, never cheated! EMPLOYEE : I mean, I ALMOST cheated once EMPLOYEE : OK, maybe once or twice, but seriously, who hasn't? EMPLOYEE : Three times, THATS IT! EMPLOYEE : Alright, maybe five times... EMPLOYEE : Well, several times actually EMPLOYEE : FINE! I'm really an inside man for the Russian mafia who's planning of stealing all this joint's cash! YOU : Errrrr... YOU : A bit too much information there YOU : I tell you, this whole place is rigged! EMPLOYEE : Of course not! EMPLOYEE : What could possibly make you think that? YOU : Hmmm... YOU : Well for starters, nobody has ever won the casino jackpot YOU : Also, everything is controlled by a computer in the 3rd level EMPLOYEE : ... EMPLOYEE : Umm... Well I can assure you none of that is true YOU : Oh, OK YOU : Who is that guy over there? EMPLOYEE : The gambler over there? He's a regular here YOU : But.... He's always winning EMPLOYEE : Well you see, we'd end up losing more money if he were to lose than if he were to win EMPLOYEE : Seriously, you don't wanna see him lose EMPLOYEE : It ain't pretty YOU : Wanna support John Kerry? EMPLOYEE : No YOU : Please! Do me a favor! EMPLOYEE : Well I'll do a deal with you EMPLOYEE : If you can get me the latest issue of Chewing Magazine, I'll support that damn liberal YOU : Alrighty YOU : Nice talking to you EMPLOYEE : I really can't contain my anticipation until your next visit YOU : Errr... Hello? HOBO BILL : Hey kiddo! Why are you on the streets? Why are you on the streets? Why are you on the streets? Why are you on the streets? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Sorry, but I have to leave Sorry, but I have to leave Sorry, but I have to leave Sorry, but I have to leave YOU : Why are you on the streets? HOBO BILL : Well you see, four years ago, I did this bet on who would win the 2000 election YOU : Oh it's to see a fellow democrat in the area! HOBO BILL : Are you crazy?! I bet on Pat Buchanan! YOU : Crap YOU : Wanna support John Kerry? HOBO BILL : Got 6 bucks? Yep. Here you go. Yep. Here you go. Yep. Here you go. Yep. Here you go. Sorry, but I'm sorta low on cash Sorry, but I'm sorta low on cash Sorry, but I'm sorta low on cash Sorry, but I'm sorta low on cash YOU : Yep. Here you go HOBO BILL : Thanks kid YOU : Now hold this sign YOU : Thanks Hobo Bill! YOU : Sorry, but I'm sorta low on cash HOBO : Too bad then YOU : Sorry, but I gotta go HOBO BILL : See you then YOU : I already have a picture of him YOU : Holy crap! He never loses! YOU : And it's always best to leave a gambler on a winning sreak alone YOU : Such an incident happened with Uncle Ted, and it wasn't pretty YOU : Excuse me GAMBLER : Can't you see I'm on a winning streak?! Don't interrupt! YOU : Yes, but I have something that might interest you GAMBLER : Hmmm, this may be interesting YOU : It's these lucky dice. You're guaranteed to win every single time! GAMBLER : Hmm, if I had those dice, I would be GUARANTEED to win every single time! GAMBLER : I'll take them! YOU : Here you go GAMBLER : Thanks! YOU : I better run GAMBLER : Oh my... GAMBLER : I LOST!!!! LEROY : What? GAMBLER : This is an outrage! LEROY : Now lets not get hasty! GAMBLER : How could this happen?! LEROY : Please! Don't get mad! GAMBLER : Gaaaaahh! THE BOSS : Leroy? LEROY : Yes sir? THE BOSS : You're fired LEROY : Hey! You're just firing me cuz I'm black! THE BOSS : Leroy, are you taking me for an idiot? LEROY : Er... yes THE BOSS : Now get out of my casino! THE BOSS : Now I need somebody to replace Leroy... ASK ME ABOUT TUBBY BOY YOU : Hello STRANGER : Yes? What are you doing out here? What are you doing out here? What are you doing out here? What are you doing out here? Tell me about Tubby Boy... Tell me about Tubby Boy... Tell me about Tubby Boy... Tell me about Tubby Boy... Can I call you Cobb? Can I call you Cobb? Can I call you Cobb? Can I call you Cobb? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Gotta go Gotta go Gotta go Gotta go YOU : What are you doing out here? STRANGER : Nothing really. STRANGER : My brother Vincent is around town getting support for Bush STRANGER : My brother would do anything to get somebody to support Bush STRANGER : Once somebody said that he'd only support Bush if Vincent spent a night in a dairy farm... STRANGER : Even though everybody knows that everybody in our family is lactose intolerant YOU : Ouch YOU : Tell me about Tubby Boy... STRANGER : Tubby Boy? STRANGER : Why Tubby Boy is the most brilliant Flash ever made! STRANGER : Created by master Flash artists Cuber3 and -Puzz-... STRANGER : Tubby Boy is a major landmark in flash history! STRANGER : Amazing 4D graphics, extordinary visuals, coded using the latest Unreal engine... STRANGER : And a storyline written by 12 pulitzer winners... STRANGER : Tubby Boy will surely be one of the best flashs of the year! YOU : Hmmm, if I wern't a poorly drawn video game character, I'd go play that game right now! YOU : Can I call you Cobb? STRANGER : I think that is enough ripping off LucasArts games for one day YOU : Wanna support John Kerry? STRANGER : Well, if my brother were to find out I was supporting a democrat he'd kill me... YOU : Come on! STRANGER : Hmmm, well I'll only support him if you can beat me in a battle of honor! YOU : A duel? Because, er... I'm not really that extreme when it comes to getting support... STRANGER : Of course not! I'm talking about a... STRANGER : You think you can beat me in a staring contest? You're on! You're on! You're on! You're on! Sorry, but I suck at those Sorry, but I suck at those Sorry, but I suck at those Sorry, but I suck at those YOU : You're on! STRANGER : Oh, too bad... YOU : Aha! STRANGER : OK, you beat me. I admit defeat... YOU : Now you gotta support John Kerry! Here, take this sign YOU : Thanks! YOU : I already have a picture of him YOU : Sorry, but I suck at those YOU : Gotta run YOU : Hey! Can talk to you for a sec? MEXICAN : Que? YOU : Never mind... YOU : Hmm... maybe I should try using this spanish phrasebook... SPANISHPHRASES YOU : Tengo un gato en mis pantalones! MEXICAN : Que? YOU : Hmm, lets try that again... YOU : Quero comer queso con un poquito de chile despues que leo el diario MEXICAN : Pero no vendo diarios! YOU : Alright. Let's try one last time. YOU : Queres appoyar a John Kerry? MEXICAN : Si! YOU : OK YOU : Donde esta la bibliotequa? YOU : A wait, wrong line. YOU : Sujeta este letrero YOU : Kthxbai! YOU : I already have a photo of him. I'm not going to approach that mexican YOU : It's a great idea, but a page is missing from the phrasebook! I better find that page first YOU : It's a great idea, but I'll need the book this page came from! YOU : Hey, watcha doin? CRACKHEAD : MEEEEEH! I won't talk until you get meh some WEED man! YOU : Hey, look! I got you some natural weed right here! CRACKHEAD : Yo, that is GREAT! YOU : But you can only have it after you hold this sign and I take a picture of you... CRACKHEAD : Anything for some good ol' Mary Jane! YOU : Thanks! YOU : What the fuck are you doing? DEAN SUPPORTER : What? You know, Dean isn't running You know, Dean isn't running You know, Dean isn't running You know, Dean isn't running So, you just stand here, doing nothing? So, you just stand here, doing nothing? So, you just stand here, doing nothing? So, you just stand here, doing nothing? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Sorry, but I gotta go! Sorry, but I gotta go! Sorry, but I gotta go! Sorry, but I gotta go! YOU : You know, Dean isn't running DEAN SUPPORTER : Yeah right! DEAN SUPPORTER : I'll only beleive that if you were to give me some kind of PROOF YOU : So, you just stand here, doing nothing? DEAN SUPPORTER : Errrr... Yeah YOU : I'd do the same YOU : Wanna support John Kerry? YOU : Thinking about it? YOU : Decided yet? YOU : Well, I'll just ask you later... YOU : Sorry, but I gotta go! DEAN SUPPORTER : Meh YOU : Hey you! Look at this... DEAN SUPPORTER : Hey, this says that Dean conceeded running for president... YOU : No, REALLY?! DEAN SUPPORTER : What have I been doing all this time?! I should go get a John Kerry sign! YOU : Well, for the moment, could you hold this sign while I take a picture of you? DEAN SUPPORTER : Alright! YOU : Thanks man! VINCENT : Hmmm.... YOU : Hey, how did you get here? VINCENT : Don't mind the technicalities, son! What's important is that you have just obtained a photo! VINCENT : Not only that, but it's from my dear brother! VINCENT : But you shall not obtain any more! VINCENT : I should hurry up VINCENT : We meet again YOU : Yeah, what now? VINCENT : Well, you have just gotten the support of that Mexican! VINCENT : Latinos are supposed to VOTE REPUBLICAN!!! YOU : Well I guess not this one VINCENT : I'll be back! YOU : I hate it when he does that. VINCENT : So, you have gotten support to a fellow democrat! YOU : Yeah, a pretty stupid one. VINCENT : But you have still obtained his support! That is unacceptable! VINCENT : You will not get any farther! YOU : Alright, lets get some more supporters VINCENT : U got a frenchie? YOU : Well, they are all liberal VINCENT : But I failed in stopping you from getting a photo of somebody holding a sign! VINCENT : You may have won the round! YOU : I should hurry up YOU : Hello OBESE GUY : What? Why are you outside? Why are you outside? Why are you outside? Why are you outside? Damn, you're fat! Damn, you're fat! Damn, you're fat! Damn, you're fat! How would you like to support John Kerry? How would you like to support John Kerry? How would you like to support John Kerry? How would you like to support John Kerry? OK, bye! OK, bye! OK, bye! OK, bye! YOU : Why are you outside? OBESE GUY : I heard smelling the fresh air makes you skinny OBESE GUY : But I do have a message for you YOU : What's that? OBESE GUY : The matrix has you Neo! YOU : What's that supposed to mean? OBESE GUY : Nothing. It's just to get a higher score on Newgrounds.com YOU : Damn, you're fat! YOU : I mean... YOU : You're so fat that when you step on a scale it reads "What did I ever do to you?" YOU : You're so fat that laying down or standing up, you're height never changes YOU : You're so fat that when you enter an elevator, it HAS to go down YOU : You're so fat that you could sell shade! YOU : You're so fat that when you take a blood test it reads "Gravy". YOU : You're so fat that I ran around you twice and I was lost YOU : You're so fat that your ass has its own congressman YOU : You're so fat that when you brought your clothes to the cleaners thay said "Sorry we don't do curtains" YOU : You're so fat that when you leave the beach the lifeguard says "OK the coast is clear!" YOU : You're so fat that you're half indian, half american and half japanese OBESE GUY : Not funny YOU : How would you like to support John Kerry? OBESE GUY : Never! I shall always be a republican! YOU : Damn OBESE GUY : But if you're looking for supporters, you should try the Hobo. He'll do anything for 6 bucks! OBESE GUY : And the mexican guy over there is a democrat. But understanding spanish is another problem YOU : Hey thanks! OBESE GUY : Hey, that wasn't very loyal to my party, now was it? YOU : Errr, never mind that! YOU : Ok bye! YOU : I have a feeling I know you... GABE : Maybe it's because I created this game. YOU : Oh really. Why didn't you actually put any effort? GABE : Cuz I'm lazy. YOU : Fair enough You bore me You bore me You bore me You bore me YOU : Why did you make this game? GABE : I wanted to raise the bar in storyline and design in Flash adventure games YOU : Seriously GABE : I was bored. YOU : Why do you appear in this game? GABE : I dunno, bored. YOU : Everything you do seems to be a result of your boredom GABE : Yeah. But it's also because I'm rejected from society. YOU : You bore me GABE : Everything bores me YOU : Hey, you know you stole the idea of a Nuke-me Elmo from Tom Fulp GABE : Yeah. He might sew me. Maybe lose one or two million bucks. Please don't sew me! YOU : Hey... You remind me... You remind me... You remind me... You remind me... Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you YOU : You remind of a very annoying japanese cartoon character that is nausiatingly cute YOU : You also remind me of annoying red-haired asshole who will end up in UDC HAMSTER PICOW : Doy doy doy! YOU : Never mind YOU : Wanna supp- HAMSTER PICOW : I wuv yoo wery wuch! YOU : GAAAAAAH! HAMSTER : Gimme a wug wug! YOU : This is useless YOU : I hate you YOU : Hey man! GUARD : Yeah? You must be having the time of your life! You must be having the time of your life! You must be having the time of your life! You must be having the time of your life! Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? Wanna support John Kerry? I gotta go I gotta go I gotta go I gotta go YOU : You must be having the time of your life! GUARD : Very funny YOU : Well how do you actually pass your time? GUARD : I read magazines, I watch TV... GUARD : I had some cheese for lunch today. It was really rotten, so I threw it away YOU : Sounds like alot of fun! YOU : Wanna support John Kerry? GUARD : I'm still undecided GUARD : I wish I had some kind of reading material about him... YOU : I gotta go GUARD : Meh. Back to solitude for me YOU : Excuse me but... HOOKER : Lookin' for a good time? YOU : Well no not really but- HOOKER : Then get lost HOOKER : Again? I told you to get lost kid! HOOKER : Look, you're starting to bug me. Go away HOOKER : Leave me alone HOOKER : Alright, here. Have 10 bucks. Now leave me alone. HOOKER : I already gave you ten bucks. Now go away. Alright kid. For even DARING not attending to last nights talent show, you must spend an hour writing pro-school propaganda. You get? The principle is simple. First, put your MOUSE over the box labeled START. Then a light yellow trail will appear. Make your mouse follow this trail until it reaches the END marker. Dont take too long! SLOTS Instructions :Press the STOP button to stall the image. Get a complete image and get 5 bucks! You have won 5 bucks! VINCENT : Hey, you! YOU : Yep, and now I'm gonna give em' to the guy inside so we can publish that ad! VINCENT : I beleive you won't be able to do that YOU : What? VINCENT : Yes, I'm going to stop you! YOU : And how do you hope to accomplish that? VINCENT : With this VINCENT : I took advantage of the fact that the assault weapons ban has expired to buy this baby right here! YOU : You wouldn't... VINCENT : Oh I will... VINCENT : I will... VINCENT : I WILL... YOU : OK I get it! VINCENT : Either way, if you try to enter the John Kerry HQ, I will kill you VINCENT : So don't even move a finger... You know killing is a sin You know killing is a sin You know killing is a sin You know killing is a sin Don't you beleive in free speech? Don't you beleive in free speech? Don't you beleive in free speech? Don't you beleive in free speech? YOU : But why? VINCENT : It is crucial that George W. Bush wins this election! VINCENT : Once in office for another 4 years, Mr. Bush will pass the Patriot Act III VINCENT : With everybody in fear up to their knees, congress will have to pass it VINCENT : This Patriot Act III will abolish ALL freedoms VINCENT : We will then make the- VINCENT : I've said too much... YOU : Don't you beleive in freedom of speech??? VINCENT : Yes, but I also beleive in the freedom to kill those who disagree with me YOU : You know killing is a sin encourages VINCENT : I said don't move! VINCENT : What was that? YOU : Only a piece of cheese... VINCENT : But, I'm lactose intolerant! VINCENT : AAAA-choo! VINCENT : How could you!? I was- VINCENT : Achoo! VINCENT : -going to defeat you once and for all, but- VINCENT : AAAA-choo! VINCENT : -then you defeat me! How could you? I- VINCENT : AAAA-choo! VINCENT : I swear revenge! VINCENT : AAAA-choo! ELECTION NIGHT... KEVIN : Thank god our ad was printed on the front page of the local newspaper! YOU : Thank you liberal media! KEVIN : The exit poll results should be in by now. Lets check. CHRIS DONAHUE : Hello, and welcome to a new edition of Channel 4 news. I'm your host, Chris Donahue! CHRIS DONAHUE : After a recent comeback by Kerry in the polls, we finally do have a winner of Virginia! CHRIS DONAHUE : The winner is... YOU : Please be Kerry please be Kerry CHRIS DONAHUE : Lyndon LaRouche! CHRIS DONAHUE : Yes, for the first time ever, Lyndon LaRouche has won a state! CHRIS DONAHUE : Here is a photo of the galiant winner! YOU : ... YOU : Who the hell is Lyndon LaRouche? YOU : So nut who says that the CIA sent zombies to kill him YOU : Oh. Well I guess we lost. YOU : I really don't know any worse ending to a game. YOU : Me neither HEY! WHEREDID IT GO?! WTF? BOO! A TOASTER??! "It's six o'clock on a Tuesday"-Kenneth "Don't you think we're starting to get a bit too random here?"-Gabe Devlin "Mmmmmm....No"-M. Salinas SPECIAL THANKS :NEWGROUNDS, FLASHKIT, BOTH CANDIDATES FOR BEING SO RETARDED, BILL SMITH FROM SHOREVILLE, IDNO THANKS TO :MICHEL JACKSON AND ESPECIALLY JUDE LAW. Seriously, did you even try? You probably followed the walkthrough word by word, or had a friend to tell you all the answers. You just ruined your gaming experience! Lazy You must be totally new to the adventure game genre. You probably looked at the walkthrough one or twice to get a lead, but that's OK. Maybe you should brush up your skills with some Monkey Island and Swedish Saveloy? N00b You did well enough, but there is still a bunch of stuff you missed! Try playing it again, and play some more adventure games! Not bad You did extremely well. Your sense of logic and trial and error made you scored well. There is still one more rank to go! Kick ass! This is the highest rank possible! Give yourself a big pat on the back. (Now go take your pills) Maniac